No chemo today

I haven’t written for a while as I’ve been so busy with wedding preparations, my daughter moving into her own flat and just lots and lots of visitors. 

The wedding all went according to plan with some lovely additional surprises provided by my and Andy’s friends. It was just such a lovely day, despite the short burst of rain just before the ceremony (it had dried up by the time we came outside for photos). We also had a hand fasting ceremony which followed the main ceremony and used the Roxburgh tartan (another surprise gift from two dear friends). We still await the official photos, but there are a few on Facebook.

We should have married a long time ago, but family politics always put us off and we just decided it was easier not to- that way no-one gets upset. However, my illness gave us a kick up the bum and we decided to do it our way. I am so glad that we went to Gretna Green and made it a small, intimate affair (it was also a heck of a lot cheaper). All of the staff at Gretna, including the minister, made it such a personalised wedding, giving us all the time we wanted. We had a lovely meal at the hotel, but I was in bed by nine pm as I was feeling sick. I can’t seem to eat very much in one go at the moment because it makes me sick.

Following the wedding, Andy and I spent a couple of extra days at Loch Lomond and Glasgow. We visited the Glengoyne distillery and Sterling Castle, but we didn’t make it to the show we had tickets for, as I was feeling too unwell. We headed back to Ipswich on Wednesday, but overnight on Wednesday  my temperature went up to 39.1!

So, I am writing from my hospital bed as they are keeping me in for a few days to administer antibiotics and monitor my bloods. I was due my next lot of chemo yesterday, but they can’t give it until any infection has been treated. 😞

Off with the hair

My hair started to come out in big clumps this week, so it was time to brave the shave. Andy did the shaving for me so now I have dug out my huge collection of scarves to wear on my head. I bought a wig for the wedding, but it makes my head very hot so I don’t think I’ll be wearing it for too long. I’ve also ordered some chemo hats online.

The arm is back to normal size and the blood clot seems to be disappearing, the only downside is I’m getting quite a bit of bleed back where the PICC line goes into the skin.

I had my second round of Irinotecan chemo alongside my first round of Flurouracil (which included being attached to a pump for 46 hours at home following the 2 hour dose at hospital. I’ll let you know about side effects, but so far just severe fatigue and nausea and I’m off alcohol as I can’t really stomach it.

It’s only seven sleeps now until the wedding and everything’s pretty much sorted. I’ve just got to focus on staying well enough.

Spoke too soon!

A week after coming out of hospital... temperature normal... blood pressure normal... Picc line fitted. Hooray! I woke up feeling nauseous and dizzy, but that I put down to the chemo. We were going wedding dress shopping today even if the sky fell in. It’d already been postponed twice!

So we piled into Sophie’s car and set off to Bungay to the dress shop. Bless Claire, the lady in the shop. She dealt so well with my repeated need to sit down before I pass out after trying on each dress. Pink lemonade works wonders when you need a bit of a sugar boost. I ended up choosing the first dress I had tried on... typical me.

Relieved I had finally got a dress to get married in, Andy, Sean and I decided to get a Chinese in for dinner - yum! 

My left arm had begun to ache during the afternoon, but I had just put it down to the Picc line settling in. By 8.30pm, my arm had actually become quite swollen, so I decided to call the emergency oncology number to seek advice. The nurse I spoke to said I should call 111 to try to get an out of hours GP appointment. I spoke to a 111 ‘clinician’ who told me to call oncology back and demand to speak to a doctor 😂😂😂. So anyway, we ended up back in A&E!

By this time my arm was about double the width it should be and very grey in colour. We sat for 2 and a half hours while they deliberated what to do with me. They were worried there could be a blood clot and DVT, so they decided to keep me in to have an ultrasound scan the next day. The ultrasound showed blood clots, so the doctors on the general ward wanted to take the line out. However, the oncology doctor I saw in the afternoon said he’d rather keep the line in as it was still functional. The result was that I was sent home with a still swollen arm and the need to inject myself with blood thinners twice a day for the next six months (oh joy!).

Out of hospital and back to normality (whatever that is!)

After a week in hospital and a successful blood transfusion alongside various antibiotics, I found out that I had been a victim of sepsis and that I have a high risk of readmittance to hospital in the near future. My temperature and blood pressure have been low, but this has been put down to loss of fluids through the general heat and the ridiculous night sweats I’ve been having. On the plus side, I met some amazing fellow cancer sufferers on the ward, who helped to make the stay much more entertaining and we also learnt a lot from each other about our various experiences with the disease. These ladies are sure to remain lifelong friends of mine. Since coming out of hospital I’ve had a few other visits too from friends, which has given me a morale boost.

I can feel my physical health deteriorating; I can’t walk anywhere near as far as I used to be able to and I get out of breath doing simple household tasks. I’m now on permanent slow-release morphine, which is managing the pain a majority of the time, 

I did manage to ensure I was well enough to have some level of chemo on Thursday, although it was not the full compliment of drugs (due to the PICC line not being fitted in time). I had the PICC line fitted on Friday, which was actually a lot less of an ordeal than I had imagined it to be, so I am now fully ready for my next round of chemo (Irinotecan and 5FU for those who are interested in such things) and.... best of all... no more needles (or almost as there are some things they can’t do through a PICC line)!

I had a meeting with the Macmillan Family Support Worker from the palliative care team last week, and today an initial assessment visit from a specialist nurse at the St Elizabeth Hospice. Both were very helpful and I was surprised at all of the services they can offer to help me maintain as active and ‘normal’ a life as possible.

Wedding dress shopping is rebooked for tomorrow, which is a good job as it’s only three weeks away! Pretty much everything else is sorted thankfully... just a wig to find, as I’m likely to have no hair by then. The Cancer Information Centre have been fantastic in signposting and making referrals for me for everything from financial advice to counselling to wigs! The Macmillan Benefits Advisor has also applied for a blue badge for me, which has been a godsend, meaning I can continue to do things like the weekly shop and go to the hospital without having to use a wheelchair.

Hopefully this week will be a bit calmer! 🤞